The House of Equals!
LAW OF ATTRACTION
&
Defiance…
Referred to as;
A resistance when
responding or reacting.
To Be Against or Opposing.
=
+
RESULTS!
ONE NIGHT IN YELLOW
EASTER!
FAST ASLEEP!
CLASPED FEET!
PROPELLERS AT THE
WINDOW!
+
ONE DAY IN BLUE JUNE,
OPEN AIR…
AND FOOD!
=
Oranges Blueberries!
Entrances!
Long Legs!
Colours Shoes and
feet!
+
THEY SAID;
"It's not about
you".
THEN WHY DID IT
HAPPEN OUT OF TOWN TOO?
=
The above poem translates a moment of sudden
change. Admittedly the true meaning behind my poetry probably only makes sense
to me. I share it as an example of a personal forms therapeutic creative
release, and as description of the scenery behind the headlined subject!
Mixing the years of
frustration experiencing and ongoing events, an aspect of frustration is
released into a pen sketch journal entry with a large cup - filled. Includes date
of entry, and cause of entry.
Tackling Defiance
Delving
into the cause and effect as I recall difficult areas of life experience behind
defiance. As well as realising the law of attraction,
+
Everything else seems ‘happy’ when you have been abused. This bears directly on trust and the
decisions you make, or will make!
*
Though never formally assessed as having defiance
disorder. Self-observation tells me, I cannot deny an association with; Camp
Defiance!
Growing up against a back drop of supposed
tough love, which felt more like out right daily assault! The words I love you
was never heard in a way that could be felt, eventually becoming of little value.
*
*
*
Young bodies become
the venue of inappropriate touch.
Resistance
Becomes a natural reaction and response.
*
**
Rudeness!
Stubbornness!
Become full time
Characteristics!
Like chores and jobs!
*
*
*
As someone living with experiences of bouts
of defiance. I can testify to it feeling like my worst enemy and my best
friend!
That
best friend-who will always jump to my defence.
The
worst enemy-who disguises itself in
unapproachability!
The space of defiance feels like having an
out of body experience. It is like watching yourself in third person. It feels
like being present, but not as yourself. Active-conscious in the moment, in a
helpless way.
There have been times, when I have been
absolutely terrified of myself as I responded and reacted defiantly, remaining
haunted even traumatised as a result!
Over time I have found myself dreading the
onset of defiance. I became conscious, aware, eventually very sensitive to
feeling completely out of control and taken over involuntarily.
Due to my dread of the onset of defiance, I
was able to start to build up more resistance to it, only over time. But
unfortunately not enough to stop it!
However, being able to allow a defiant
reaction or response to emerge, had its pay offs!
Though my defiance scared me! It continued as
my best friend as it scared others off of me, and away from my life!
The feelings of resistance that started to
emerge toward feelings of defiance. Enabled me to find the strength to confront
the helpless way it had always controlled me into feeling.
The feelings of resistance allowed me to see
choice. I started to question why I allowed defiance.
Once I questioned all my feelings. I observed
a sense of relaxed freedom that created a new sense of space from defiance. I had
tried to confront defiance as a demon before. Somehow, this time I managed to
negotiate myself to a different level of understanding. I was at a difference
place in life which had different needs and demands.
I was no longer content with finding myself
in defiance mode. I was searching for a way out which meant I had to see it for
what it was for me.
What struck me was realising the speed of the
onset of defiance. Living in fast paced situations such as constant abuse and arguments,
there can be little time to recover or heal before the next abusive moment is
upon you.
Therefore, the tiny space I found within
resistance is where the shift in my prospective toward defiance started.
There were no guarantees of permanent change
from the behaviour pattern. The shift was the beginning of gaining enough ground
in between the onsets, until I could eventually find a better replacement.
Other than allowing defiance to have precedence as part of my personnel
representation!
However, defiance has never emerged without cause
and effect!
It has roots!
As a young child it was the learned reaction, and response to those who sort to take advantage of my young body, and persist
in taunting me through my formative years. In those times, I saw it as the only
way I had to defend myself against adults, and anyone else who would perceive
my body as an object, and my life
as worthless. It was survival!
I was not to be aware of the levels of self-destruction
that would come into my life as a result of that survival technique, neither
was I aware of the opportunities for self-construction either.
Of course once a stalking campaign became an
active part of my life again.
Defiance emerged becoming part of a
protective decisions making process, acting like an involuntary self-defence
mechanism.
Even though I lived with negotiating my own
defiant behaviour patterns, while trying to heal from the reasons why. I
equally have dealt with the exact same behaviour in others!
As individuals we all have parts of ourselves
and lives, which are important and valuable for us to protect. Regardless of
the value of that part of our lives is to other people. Defiance often emerges in
those areas.
Because I have received defiance from others.
I can understand how people who are less aware of the reasons and process
behind behaviours, feel. Especially when faced with the speed of a response, or
reaction that is unexpected!
It would not be wrong for anyone to see it as
unnecessary! Or be insulted by a response of defiance! The content of defiance can
be filled with absolute belligerence, and the flippancy aspect can be very
frustrating, and at times funny. As the know it all, that cannot always see him, or
herself.
It is how defiance deals with external, and
internal reality.
I would have probably succumb to what is
known as the seedier side of life, as a result of the abuses of my early years, and
would have probably put up with much more in life consequently, had I not been
very defiant, and rebellious. Finding a certain amount of comfort, in being seen
as an unapproachable!
I watched myself, as my defiance levels continued
to rise to scary levels as the effects of coming under the sudden attention of
something, or someone.
Even though I was aware it was my
responsibility how I reacted or responded in any given situation, defiance
would arise and remain, blindsiding all I knew about personal responsibility, as
I did not know how far the stalking campaign would go!
The effects of that level of abuse does not go
away in a hurry, unfortunately.
These lasting effects are probably why some
stalkers use such shock methods to stalk, and use others to help create a shock
value to someone’s life.
There is an entertainment value in watching
somebody going through, “I don’t know who or why?!
I translate my frustration by venting via a
pen sketch journal entry. Which refers to ‘attacking the beauty of my back’
despite challenges faced, self-esteem remained at a good level, even though it did
not always feel like it did. The design of the unspooling hair could as well
serve as a reference to experiencing trauma!
It was important to me in life to find some
kind of understanding for things in life.
It was no different as I went on to process
the experience of stalking, especially dealing with it happening to me for the
second time.
Even though I knew stalking needed no excuses
or reason. Once it started to relate to murky areas of childhood, I knew I had
to find a way to do my best and try to understand why I was not attracting the
experiences with people, I really wanted.
Stalking can relate to relationship issues,
as well as misconceptions, about opportunities for a relationship to occur.
The second stalking campaign showed up in my
life, just as I was about to deal with the area of my life relating to relationships,
and as to why I had not really made an effort to prioritised that area. It was obvious
it was an area of life that needed work from my self-administered therapy
program. I felt I had not properly formulated over the years. However, due to
this being a gap area of my life, being stalked, it was an area of my life that
was perceived as wide open for rumour, and false claims!
I grew up without TV due to the house of religious
belief. I was first introduced into verse and phrase reading and writing as
part of learning biblical text, which help me develop my poetry. There was
religious music, or classical to listen too, and learn to play, and there were 2
or 3 acceptable radio stations, as part of secular entertainment, allowed.
I would describe my early life as strict,
ritualised by abuse, regimented by the religion. Despite my defiance I remained
quite obedient, never running away from home, never had a boyfriend. My defiant
break outs were generally stacked in the area of justice, and freedom against
abusive mind sets.
By the time I was a teenager, which can be a
painful time for anyone regardless of gender or social circumstances. I had to
face up to what early abuse would mean for me in life, as I grew into young
womanhood. It near crippled me socially with feelings of shame, but that is where defiance stepped in as a cover, or humour!
Social life was forced. There was little
choice in the way of what I as an individual, would need, so as not be an
awkward misfit!
Most of my teenage dreams where filled with
the need to leave home, knowing I could survive, if not for the fact I had no
grasp of money, or understanding of maths.
I did not care about education, when I first
started my teenage stint of it all. Right when I needed to pay attention. My
focus was on not wanting to get myself beaten up!
Needless to say, I ended up finding myself in
some kind of argument, which led to me being attacked from behind one day as I
queued outside a classroom. Feeling as though I was being bounced off the
school corridor walls, probably to howling
laughter, and much banter, ripping my favourite sky blue windcheater jacket!
The incident got me suspended from school, and
made to stay home. Which eventually was
worse than the fight itself. Such was the result of all my efforts to avoid
being beaten up again!
As a teenager, I could not see my need for
avoidance developing into a continual life pattern, which would lead me to where
I did not want be, or who I did not want to be around!
I was not short of friends at that time in my
life, even though at times considered different. I knew how to be a decent, there
for you, kind of friend. I had a sense of humour which helped, and could play
the annoying idiot to fit into a group, or get kicked out!
Outside of attending school and church events, or activities. Socialising was further controlled by the activities of others.
With little, and no pocket money to ever make an effect choice of preference. I
was at the mercy of the choices of others.
The only other entertainment on offer outside
of being forced to attend church, was being forced to attend military performance
music festivals, until I was old enough to choose not too. If my memory serves
me correctly, I think those tickets were complimentary.
Later, military aviation became a crowd
interest. I could bum a day out with whoever was paying, to get away from
being stuck at home. I developed a form
of geek hood as a teenager as a plane spotter! Fascinated by foreign
destination.
In the late phase of teenage by my very
character, I stood up to those who controlled my freedom, and was better able
to spend time with friends, a lot easier.
Leaving school with no real recognisable
qualification, for the time it was. Not being allowed to pursue my artistic ambitions,
advised to take a course I did not prefer. Shortly after college was over. I
was offered an opportunity, and left home, to support someone who was
overcoming the assault of a stalking neighbour!
Some school associations remained in my life
for a while, even after leaving home.
Sometime after becoming a parent, I made a
decision to move on all together from those I knew.
Right or wrong despite who it would hurt.
Even though I wished I did not have to hurt anyone. I felt I could not move on,
maintaining certain relationships. Despite the help I did receive, I realised
no matter what choices I would make, someone was going to get hurt, together or
apart!
The freedom I chose was right for me as a
parent. Giving me the room I needed to get strong. I became happy and confident
in my ability to parent. It was a relief to be away from constant memories, and the
constant influence.
When the memories did get tough. I found a
way to self-refer to group therapy. The support and understanding was life
changing for me, being believed and understood was huge. It changed everything
for me. Listening to other people who had been through worse than me, or who were
further down the road in overcoming their experiences, was enlightening.
I realised how fortunate I was than most. Throughout
all my negative life experiences deep down, in my self-talk somehow, I always remained
positive. Regardless of what I went through, I would always remind myself, that
I was always there for myself.
I lived in my imagination once I found it!
“She daydreams out of the window most of the
time”. Became part of at least one teenage school report.
My imagination was my safe place. Once left
to my own devices to visit the local library to choose my own literature. I
would make my selection of romance novels, then sneak my choices back home. My
choices were considered secular and even smutty by the religious standards of
the house.
I was riveted and fascinated by the
description of characters, especially the ones described as aloof, not knowing
why.
The lifestyles of the characters described
would fascinate me, and fill me with hope of the type of life I could create for
myself. It served my imagination well.
Due to abuse experiences. My sense of relationships was obviously
warped. Novels opened me up to ideas of
how I could create my own freedom, as well as other ways of behaving and
communicating around people which did not have to be hurtful, or humiliating.
Romance novels opened my eyes to a sugar
coated view of traditional romance that led to supposed happy marriage. I grew
up in a marriage that did not resemble anything I read about, eventually
growing out of those novels. With an imagination strengthened by creativity of
what I had read.
I was not always a constant reader, but I
would go through intense periods of seeking, and had the ability to take the
best from all my experiences.
From religion I understood, that if one
person or thing could be created in an undefined way. There had to be more than
the world we could see, touch or name. There was more than a deity, or maybe
any concept of the heavens.
Knowledge help me let go.
I held unto my daydreams of a better life,
always believing I was destined for more than the scrap heap predicted. I just
did not know it was called, manifestation.
=
Strength Master!
Your calling or purpose in life, will rise or fall to
meet you at your level in life. Personal Self-belief. Translating belief into
pen sketch as part of my free flow journal writing!
I find this form of journalling very peaceful.
Easy flow. Somehow, imagining forms of unconditional universal love in creating a
visual, again created a depth of relief. Intense negativity created intense
positivity.
RECOGNITION
OF OTHER
DEFIANT POSITIONS!
When faced with difficulties within the
housing system and in the area I was living in at the time, where I realised I was being
stalked again. Having tried to nip the trouble in the bud, and move on.
Feeling like I was effectively being asked to
stand by quietly, while my personal life was being destroyed, allowing others
to treat me as the problem for raising concerns.
I made the decision to move away and keep
myself to myself, by this time the situation affected my work position. I owed
money on the rent so had to stay in the system. I could almost count the number
of people I spoke to on almost one finger.
I continued to develop the quietest life
I could, and still! Was not left alone by the system.
Knowing I had little chance of moving away
from all the trouble. I felt very defiant towards those who worked in system.
As the defiance of others continued. Not
allowing myself, and others to live in peace. Worst of all, seeming to be participating
in the antics at official level, maybe wittingly, or unwittingly.
Whether that was partly due to a lack of
training, or due to enjoyment. It seemed power games where big on whatever the
agenda was, at that time!
Sadly, it is only too usual for the stealth of
a stalker, to make it near impossible for anyone to understand or recognise the
one effected.
I was beyond frustrated with what was
blatantly obvious to me, not being as obvious to others, or they acted as if
it was not.
As a result, my responses were typically
defiant, and even rude.
During the time of escalating troubles, I
preferred to be communicated with in writing, given the nature of the problems!
Which appears like
another example of defiance again, raising its
head as a scary response, and not the not the most helpful form of self-
defence. I was really concerned at the time, about being lured into situations,
where I could possibly be attacked, or confronted by those who supported, whosoever
stalked. By now, concerned the man that had originally stalked me, had a presence
in the area I was living in. I remained defiant.
Yet again, the pay off for me, was reducing the
amount of people who could approach me. I was tired by that time, negotiating a
weakening in my health. I did not need any hassle while I was figuring out how
I was going to heal, and survive such a mess!
*
It is what it was!
Moving on, not so swiftly!
*
TAKING A
BREAK TO MAKE IT
ALL VERY
SILLY!
From; Mr & Mrs Havenomercy
1650 Whydoyouthink Fleece.
Railagainst Obstination
Doublegangers.
Liberation
LH19
Dear Mr & Mrs Time Flown,
The Left Wrongable of Thickoverstupid of Odd
City Limits. Has asked me to inquire, if you are aware of the following;
Working it into the defiance?
Pots-strokes-currency houses!
He who very loudly asked his questions about;
Forty three shillings!
+
Allowed fences.
Attempted embarrassment.
Paper blown.
The used.
Slipped into the auto queue!
Dizzy steps.
Who knew?
Mirth!
Cream shirts.
Innocents affected by fools.
*
Preferred the stupid you!
Of which I could have spent all day long
fooling.
Trickery aimed at incisions in threads.
Targeted heads!
Previous kind regards
Mr Gullible Beds.
From; Divided by Hell.
No longer residing at the DE stabled fork!
*
Poetry is used as a creative way of combining
and releasing the impact of memories. Memories can often be repetitive in their
return regardless of content. I have found once I changed events mentally. It
lessened the impact of a traumatic feeling of the memory, changing the return
of the memory. Allowing humour to remain rather than the pain!
For some reason, creating from events, or
things I may of at one time, found frustrating, or painful. Dipping into the
very silly side of my nature, really helps me to diminish, or let go of it.
You may get lucky in life, surviving any
couple of episodes of abuse to be able to negotiate away from it.
But the truth is, regardless of what form
abuse takes. It is better to recognise it at the level it is, and try to process
it at every level it can be recognised, be it having an emotional,
psychological, or even clinical effect! Be that within daily function, or
something else. The effects of abuse in life are best faced, and excavated.
*
Automatic suppression and oppression of abuse, and the
abused.
Does not hides the truth.
It illuminates it!
*
EXCAVATING!
If the choice can be made to recognise
abuses, and the effects, and in turn the further choice be made to process the
effects effectively, by recognising personal responsibility, for changing how
you respond, or react to abuse. Or if the abuser, it maybe best to question the feeling, of the
need to abuse.
Identifying with your position in the face of
abuse. May well be the difference
between saving yourself the pain of going through the same pain over and over again,
and causing the same pain, over and over again, in the future.
*
Some abusers can be
in as much pain-if not more, than who they inflict their pain on!
*
It is said that hardships, (“life’s lessons”)
tend to repeat, and may even increase in their destructive value, if not
observed, or recognised when they first appear.
(I should
know!)
To be able to honour the process pain of
which defiance is one. Life is best lived by paying attention within any painful
process.
(Easier written than lived.)
However, it can be only be to easy to forget what
you have been through, once you are over it all and onto a good time. Which is
why the same life lessons return in different disguises. Little recognised as
the same pain re-emerging!
If understanding can be brought to the
origins of the painful process, then within that understanding, which depends on
personal capacity, the introduction of forgiveness may be able to begin.
Where there has been pain filled responses,
forgiveness can be the best mind set to
adopt to enable that pain to go!
Whatever, wherever, or whoever the pain came
from; Employment, or employer, any random person, or event, family, or family
member, husband, lover, ex, passed, present, or living, friend, acquaintance,
associate, absolute stranger, or neighbour/s!
Whatsoever, whosoever, where ever the need to
stop the pain, applies too.
Understanding the meaning of forgiveness, as
a process of letting go, who, or what has hurt you. Without that being
confrontational. The effect on life can be enormous. Often in lack of
forgiveness, again is the tension of defiance.
With forgiveness understood as a form of letting go, it is easier to live life not feeling constantly under attack, or got at!
Forgiveness seen as a process of
letting go, does not mean weakness or defeat. Quite the opposite it. The level
of freedom, and relief you can receive from forgiveness depends on personal capacity, and willingness to allow the good results to show up in your life.
Forgiveness can also be ongoing, moment to
moment, practice.
The good thing about forgiveness is, that it
is not attached to anything religious, or political!
It is independent, and very personal to the
individual, and can be practised in absolute privacy, of your sense of being.
In my personal experience. Practising forgiveness, allowed me to gain access to a space within myself where I was previously beating
up on myself, clearing the paths, allowing me to find deeper ways to love myself.
Abuse is all about one person, blaming you, for
themselves.
Facing constant criticism over a duration of
time, can be difficult for that criticism not to connect with weaker strengths.
If faced with little and no references to distract, or detract, from weaker
strengths. The criticism can spend much time festering into much more, than it
need be.
I was very fortunate in life, in that I had
very strong dreams and visualisations that shape me, even if on the surface I was
connecting to negativity, the positive visualisation would emerge to urge me
unto something else.
Criticism became a positive for me. After
feeling so battered by the criticism of others, I began a journal entry ripping
my own self to bits. Everything I hated about my weak strengths, that connected
with others. I nearly could not stop, there was a lot to tear away! Instead of
feeling like I no longer had the will to live, I actually felt stronger, having
faced myself in that way.
LOST AND FOUND UNDERSTANDINGS OF THE LAW OF ATTRACTION!
With the best will in the world to move on in
life, career, and business. The way ahead has to be physically clear, to be able to
function in emotionally clarity. Allowing mind, body, soul, and spirit to form a
coalition, to manifest and create a better way of life, for you.
Attending yet another business seminar, fed
up of myself, and my repeat patterns. Feeling despondent that I had not been able
to be as successful in other areas, as I hoped I would be.
At the height of the stalkers grooming, life
was feeling, and becoming very restrictive. Which filled me with even higher
levels of destructive forms of defiance, stacked in the area of communication, just at the time I needed to network for business purposes, needless to say, that did
not happen.
When stalking is not just one on one, and
becomes highly organised, organisational though usually under the direction of
one person, the methods of stealth can be unbearably frustrating. I could
recognise those that supposedly just ‘happened’ to be at the seminar, a
relative of a former possessive supposed friend, from teenage years was among
at least one of them.
At the time of the seminar, it just felt like
they were those there too enable the experience to be uncomfortable, and even
distracting.
A lady participated in the open forum style
seminar, by offering us all some advice.
She stated that in order to be successful in
business. For things to work out consistently, you would have to make sure the
people around you were supportive and positive. Negative people or things in
your life, would inevitably be destructive.
Which was the truth, I had been successful. Only
so far though. Until negative folks stepped in.
My understanding of the law of attraction,
for a while became blurred. Especially, once I decide to take the blame others
wanted me too!
The advice given in that seminar, added to
my frustration when trying to get on in life. At times, dealing with people, some of who were groomed, or conditioned to treat me a certain way.
My frustration grew when within the stalking
campaign, I realised the grooming had got to the point, I could not have a proper
conversation without realising there was a grooming, in what was being said.
There developed a very pre-emptive style to the stalking, which meant if I needed
to go door to door selling, guaranteed the stalker may well get to where I wanted
to go, before me.
My life was no longer authentic, or natural.
Everything in my environment was becoming
forced again.
I began stepping out of the blame others
wanted me to feel.
It had all led me right back to a childhood
memories. One of which I remembered, was wanting to play, not wanting to do chores,
and being told within the house I lived in ‘playing’ did not happen. In the
moments that followed of just wanting to play, saw me being knocked clean out. It
was unintentional. The memory reminded me, that it is possible to be stopped. Important
to remember once faced with circumstances of ongoing denial. Even though my ambition of that moment was to
just play. In my human, and civil rights, I had the right to just play, somebody
else literally prevented that from happening, by physically knocking me down.
How I survived that particular attack remains about force other than me, and
anyone else involved!
The whole memory recall, served as a wakeup
call. I knew I was not to blame for everything that was happening around. Like
anyone I made mistakes, something was out of proportion.
Every moment of every day, positive advice
and quotes are shared through social media. At motivational centres, and in
many other venues and situations around the globe, advising us all how to get
our envisioned success on track. Motivating us with ways to stop ourselves from
being held back. All of which is only possible, if no one person, is not actually
holding you down, or if one person is not employing, or engineering a group of
people to thwart, and undermine your efforts in life, by infiltrating and trying
to control everything, and everyone, around you. Or who you will have to deal
with. Or deliberately making negative things happen, which they make look like, it is associated with you.
This type of negativity is prevalent in life,
because it can be carried out so subtly. Especially, among the powerful, regardless
of how they came about their sense of power.
Others people, do literally try and hold down
other people.
The reason I laboured the point is because as
I lived through, and absorbed all the blame of being abused more than once in
life. I witnessed those who tried to layer my life with revenge tactics,
pointing the finger at me for every mistake I had ever made, for which there is
no doubt, there will be much more to come. As if those who accused were perfect, and
without fault.
If for every level of abuse I had been
through, considering how far back in my life it started, for me. If, I was to start
taking revenge on others, and other people who had been through similar to me, and worse, and are still going through the worst in life, were to live lives of
revenge, this world would be in more chaos and devastation, than it already is. There
would be little progress toward the advancement of humanity, and civil rights.
Letting it all go!
Being allowed, to let
it all go!
Is the best freedom there is!
Equally, it is very
important to understand, and believe abuse experiences. The pain that creates abuse
can show up in any disguise. The very rich. The very poor.
It has been painful, yet interesting thing
life, observing how people do, and do not receive those of us who come from the messy, and uncomfortable side of life, known as abuse, and stalking experiences.
It can feel like you are easier ignored, than believed.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Poetry Break!
+ =
It first
started so easy!
*
Paranoid
heads!
Acting like
feds!
Obsessed.
*
One
conversation.
“Does she
know yet”!
*
Special.
*
Lowered
voices.
The softest
voices.
*
Moved his
whole family.
On a lie!
They would
take years to see.
When she realises and screams!
“I gave up
my whole big way of life for these!"
*
Cars
passing.
Motorway
services.
She drives
by looking.
Conversations.
Challenges.
No perfect mistress!
*
*
Walking
past.
Stares
fears.
Stairs
flairs.
No affairs!
*
Pig fat and
oil.
More knowing
stares.
*
Blue fleeces
Fast shop
entrances.
But who
stands in the freeze shop?
Because of
you!
^
Usually
stuffed.
Left hanging
off the wall.
*
Loud.
Crowd
Proud.
*
Street Benches
Hair
masquerades across his faces.
*
Did a
sterling job.
Delicate Markets.
Beige
trousers
Mr no face
Bent Knees.
*
Still on the
bird song.
Stirring
messages.
Assumed
secrets.
Opportunist squeezes.
*
Stares.
Fares.
Flares.
No Affairs.
*
THE OPEN!
There were
all kinds of people there.
Round
circles.
Tailored
suits and actresses.
Flight
glasses.
Smiles and
lovely lips.
Teeth with
an unusual chic.
Chairs.
One back
set.
One directly
in front of it.
One keeps
smiling.
One keeps on
being annoying.
Diverting
the attention.
For the one
sitting quietly observing.
Before I joined
in I heard the nurses.
I saw the
colour of the tresses.
But the one
beside me sounded an hmmm..!
Like I was
pretending.
Hands in
water.
Mother
washes.
Far way
castles
Symbols of
love and meditation houses.
Self-fulfilling
prophecies
True of
anybody!
Circles and
round things.
Nothing
lasted.
Left to
figure out everything.
Not without
their enjoyment.
Can help.
Want to
help.
Do not know
how to help.
Join in and
laugh at who needs the help.
Yet again
with no ill intentions.
Just trying
to get ahead.
The old life
still controls like a spearhead!
Unwanted
defiance still the safest bet.
*
HONOUR THY
FATHER AND MOTHER?!
Propped up
at the age of five.
To the sink of an old time kitchen.
Could barely
reach.
But managed
to learn how to wash the dishes.
From tin
bucket to the rinse in the sink.
The clinks.
I could not
stand it.
I knew I was
destined for better things.
They just
had not happened.
But I lived!
Life
continues at the……
Sad comedy.
Painful
academy.
With…
Religious
generosity.
Natural
accumulation of inherited enemies.
The choice
is…
Make it to
the casket.
Or see it
through till you can get out of it.
Church and
violence.
Yes, Yes!
In the same
sentence!
Living
proof.
No one else
dare step in.
The
appeasing.
Divert
attention from what the child is forced to experience!
Nothing is
the worst thing that can happen.
You weren’t
bombed in the war.
Why whinge
about it.
Take it on
the chin!
Get on with
it.
Life is not
long enough to waste on feeling!
Stop crying.
We are the parents.
We are the
only ones who feel it!
Not you
these children!
Look how
harder for us than it is for you!
We knew no
better.
Endless
lashing with belts and harder objects.
Life in the
fields sweating to reap.
No kind
words.
Just keep
laughing through things.
So messed
up.
It was our normal.
Board the
boat.
Into the
land of foes.
The cracking
whip exchanged for chains in the street beatings.
The
fashionable heads.
Find a home.
The travel
to just pay the rent.
Placards
with insults.
No …..!
No …….!
No Dogs!
Yes, Yes!
Same
sentence.
One room for
the crowd!
Worked with
the wicked to find back we pride.
We bought a
home.
But still
that could not end the cycles.
Wire flex.
Parent vex.
Wire flex
against human flesh.
No man or
boy child need go through it, or do it!
Welts from plastic
belts.
Not what
girl child needed to feel, just for a bit to eat!
House in
turmoil until it settles.
The
experience creates the sensitive to unfurl!
How many
days to grow up until a life of your own!
Away from
it!
No such
thing as born innocent!
Years of
human pain and ignorance.
Passed through
from generation to generation!
+ =
Outro!
People
will believe when they are ready to hear!
*
Not just about the trillions!
You
all must never forget again what we were naturally given!
The
purity of knowledge of health!
Knowing more than the need for division!
Let
not complacency hold you or withhold from you!
That
which is thy birth right!
Above
the trillions which attracted the fight!
See
the truth within your cells!
Your
brain is the home of complete knowledge!
*
For
we have fought the lowest fight!
Of
that which was disguised!
It
is now time to truly rise!
*
Tempest Seas!
Creole Earring!
*
The three mothers!
Bring, Comfort, and Joy.
THOSE THAT SEE OVER!
With
the intellect and knowledge that cannot again drown us in rights over just trillions!
Beaten
and chained!
For
mental illness sake!
Spoken
down to with no knowledge!
Lack
of knowledge due to mental illness!
*
Burnt!
No
pigment!
And
made a slave!
*
Broken pigment!
enslaved!
*
With
skin of a natural dark hue!
With
pigment!
And
made a slave!
For
mental illness sake!
*
Taking mental health into mental wealth!
*
*
There is
always more
There is
more than the Gods
There is
more than this universe
There is
more than the heavens
There is
always more than any organism,
There just
is always more
There is
more than the trillions
There is
more than substance
There is
more than nothing!
There is
always more!
*
*
Level Presence!
*
*
*
Natural Flowism!
