FROM THE WALKS/CREATING MY OWN SAATCHI

From

The

Walks!

Huffing and puffing past flowing streams,  running under pathways, and through the green, that surround trees.

Twitching branches, and rustling autumn leaves, create Zen sounds with natural ease.

Skies which frame each time of day, like clocks sending   messages of constant change.

Reaching for the sun, as moon phases fade away each day.

Freedom of daylight, parallels with the mystery of the night.

FOR MY OWN HEALING

CREATING MY SAATCHI!

With poetry being the beginning of almost all I create, and free flow journal writing being a process of release in life, art emerged as an extension both.

Deciding to negotiate the mountains of fear, barriers of lack of self-confidence, and self-esteem, to share my creative work, was my first big step into the unknown.

(Amazing faith, how sweet the brush…)

Initially, I did not want to acknowledge the truth behind my creative works. As far as I could see combining poetry as part of the explanation for the art, was not very commercial or on trend. But it was my truth, it helped me negotiate where I was at in life, it was, and is my therapy.

My truth was, I was being affected by stalking behaviours, “someone else’s dis-ease”. I was living in a situation unwanted, and being blamed for circumstances not entirely of my own making, which started once I moved to a new landlord, and escalated to affect my job, and impacted negatively on my health for a while. 

Feeling trapped, yet trying to make the best of life.  My creativity allowed me space to let go, and gave strength to the ability to try and move on in a new direction, as difficult as it is with someone attaching to your life, doing all they can do, to disrupt everything you do.

I wanted to create beautiful desirable arty fashionable things, but my truth refused to allow that to emerge, in the form I imagined.

As I touched the canvas and mixed colours, what emerged once I started painting, was my emotions, and surrounding influences.

What came out was a blend of poetry and art, and a few one off statement design pieces.  

Not highly fashionable on trend products with mass appeal.

I felt powerless to stop what was affecting my life, and in turn my creativity.  Whilst I battled to do everything I could, to try and take my hundred percent responsibility for my reaction to my experience, even trying to raise awareness among others, for the good of everybody in involved, as directed by guidelines within the law, regarding the stalking behaviours. 

Creatively only the truth of how I felt would emerge through my work.

I created 10 small canvases. My first intended for public view collection. Some of which today, are curated into small collection called Amazing Faith  based at; www.saatchiart.com/LaviniaDeAyr.

A mixture of art and design flowed into the collections. 

With no real technique, or formal training with paint. I found there was a natural flow within the movement of the brush regardless of its size or texture, nothing seem to fail, nothing appeared to be a mistake, even though I had to push past a crippling energy of resistance and fear whilst in the process of creating, something else seem to be at work, 
A freedom.
A strength.
An almost bestowed ability, and if anything was being asked of me as I painted or sketched often combining both, was that  I let go and let the truth be, regardless of how it emerged, or whatever emerged, no matter what it portrayed, or betrayed about me, I was to let it be!  There was something much bigger going on. Something, I was to let flow through me, and not try to control.

However, my first attempt at creating an art space at Saatchi was personally disheartening. Even though the process of letting go always got its way, I still could not fully understand what was being asked of me! I was still processing the realisation of the truth that my art was expressing, rather than the fashion I would have preferred it to be!

I had little understanding about the vision needed for online business at the time I first attempted to join the Saatchi community, let alone anything about the world of art,  the collectors, or the art dealers.

Personally, I became weakened due to my personal experience. I struggled to figure out how to best promote myself, at times to oppressed to even recognise what I could do, I could not devise a marketing plan, because I had no confidence in what I had done. I felt completely misaligned with myself, distracted by my external environment. I became ashamed of my work and took down my images, leaving poetry scattered where collections and images should have been combined!

In the meantime despite resistance, I came to accept art tells the truth regardless, it portrays and betrays even if it is not explained. I accepted myself creatively as a creator of written images.  

Part of my acceptance though filled with resistance, was to heal and speak out about my experiences of stalking behaviours, and other abuse experienced consciously, because it would emerge sub consciously anyway.

The readable part of art referred to may well be in the decisions made by the artist, in the choice to use, or not use composition, as well as in the editing process. What helped me further come to this acceptance was remembering what I had read for my own healing,  to help me become a better parent.  Which were books written by psychotherapist/psychologists, who often used the technique of asking children exposed to abuse and trauma to draw, because within the images a child would draw, would unwittingly emerge the details of the experience they possibly could not verbally explain. 

Abuse can leave children unable to speak of their experience. As part of a child's survival they may automatically suppress what happens to them, therefore using art can become a form of communicating in silence.

Art is so much a part of society, cataloguing history, experience, and creating space for people to feel free enough to live more naturally. For me explaining the truth about the content of my art with poetry, turned out to be the right decision for me, even though daunting. 

Second attempt at placing my art on Saatchi has been much more successful. As part of the process of uploading to Saatchi the option for creating collections introduced me to the process, and power of curating, allowing me to say exactly what I wanted to say. This has, and continues to create so many positive changes in my life, personally and professionally. I have been able to regain strength, and continue to let go and continue to change my reaction to the part of my life affected by someone else’s disease, even though I cannot stop them!

I have heard it said that “money makes the world go round” I have observed, and I am the benefactor of, people pursuing what they love, by doing so, creating and sharing wealth, that in turn provides free opportunities, for others to find their own freedom of being!

Natural Flowism.